The day before Day 1

As I was packing today I found some photo albums with pictures from a few years back. As i looked through them I saw an old me that i had forgotten about. Happy, healthy, slim (Although at the time I thought I was fat, like the majority of teenagers). Then, as I flipped though the album and as the chronological sequence in which the pictures were organized brought me back to now, I saw another me: inactive, sad, chubby. The difference is astounding, not only in terms of how much weight i gained in the last few years, but also on how I perceived myself. I remember, very clearly. I used to be confident, I used to really think I was pretty. As I compared the photos I thought about where I was now. Was I confident? Was I happy with my body? As the answers were a swoop no, I hit a rock bottom. I used to like myself in pictures, now I detest myself in every picture I take, and try to desperately photoshop them to make myself look decent. How could my eating habits get so bad? I suddenly hated all those junk food menus I got by mail, from which I ordered so many times. I hated my obsession with chocolate, chicken burgers, oreos. A scary thought came to my mind. If I thought I was fat in those pictures that now I seem to be perfectly okay, what is going to happen five years from now? Am I going to be bigger than I already am and look back at the pictures I take now and think I wasn't that bad? How big am I going to get? And will I ever be able to jog for at least half an hour, without almost puking my heart out? My body, I know, begs me for exercise every day. And when it does get some, punishes me with muscular pain.
This doesn't come as I surprise. However, as it is said of drug addicts, for a person to change they must hit rock bottom, if not they wont stick to any sort of program. Last year I had hit rock bottom and actually lost thirty four pounds doing the Atkins Nutritional Approach. There's no words to describe what I felt, I could fit into jeans that I hadn't worn in years! As school started, I found myself being too lazy to cook, to eat right, to follow the plan. As I gained weight I promised myself I would go back to eating low carb and found myself always postponing the "going back," finding such excuses such as "I'll do it after my exams are finished," "I have to join a gym before I restart," "I'll only be able to do it after the holidays." I was weak, lazy, couldn't say no to pizza and movie night.
The pounds came back, all of it. And as I look at pictures from a year ago, before I had started Atkins, I find myself yet again in the same weight and the same bottom.

My plan to change consists not of a diet, but a reeducation, following the principles of Atkins (www.Atkins.com), using Fitday (www.Fitday.com) to track what I eat, and a daily walk of half an hour, plus the basics such as using stairs instead of escalators, drinking two liters of water a day and not skipping breakfast.

This blog came out of hitting rock bottom and wanting to change more than anything. Summer is here, and as slimmer and healthier girls are out buying bikinis and playing outdoor sports, I find myself in my apartment, depressed for not being out there, doing the exact same thing. Yet, full of plans to climb back to the top.